


Each Morning I Get Up I Die a Little

by yasmamamercury (Em_1)



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Curse Breaking, Curses, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, eventual polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 03:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21246479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_1/pseuds/yasmamamercury
Summary: John Deacon is living his life against a ticking clock and he doesn’t realize it - until he meets Brian May. Together, they work towards finding a way to reverse the curse John has been fighting alone for almost a decade.





	Each Morning I Get Up I Die a Little

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sammyspreadyourwings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sammyspreadyourwings/gifts).

> Hoo boy! Okay, this is my first AU ever - and of course, I chose to write it for Sammy, Queen of Queen AUs - so I’m extra nervous about this. I was originally aiming for something around 7k, but as usual, it sort of got away from me. I hope I didn't stray too far from the prompt! 
> 
> Happy Halloween everyone!

John Deacon - born August 19, 1951, thank you very much - had gotten himself into a bit of trouble as a child. It wasn’t his fault, not really, he was just a kid who’d acted out. The worst part was that now, almost a decade later, he couldn’t even remember the reason he had thrown the fit in the first place. Well, maybe that wasn’t the worst part - but it was up there. The  _ actual  _ worst part was the fact that John was now living with a curse. Yep, an actual curse, just like in fairy tales, except that John didn’t see a happy ending for himself on the horizon. 

It wasn’t fair to put a curse on a child. Though, generally, whoever was doing the cursing didn’t care much for the fair or the right thing, as evident by John’s nanny, the one who had put the curse on him in the first place when she sung him to sleep with it. The words had left a bad taste in John’s mouth and he’d been haunted by them ever since. At first it was fine, John didn’t really notice, he was too young to tell the difference. But as he got older, he started to put the pieces together. 

“John, go clean your room,”

“Go take care of the back garden,”

“Move over,”

“Sit down,”

“Stop talking,”

“Do it,”

“Go,”

“Just let me kiss you,” 

No matter how much John resisted, how much a command churned his stomach; no matter if he begged and pleaded that he didn’t want to, John had the curse of Obedience. He didn’t have a choice: if someone told him to do something, he did it. 

While in secondary school, John had dedicated a lot of his free time to researching his curse. He started in the school library, but it soon became evident to him that this was something much bigger than anything he’d find in school. John dug after bits and pieces of information - scraps, really, a lot of it useless. He felt like he kept hitting a brick wall, he hated that he was stuck in this town with such limited resources, too young still to take himself to London - where the real information was. It was disheartening, he often ended his days in tears - exhausted and hurt by the world around him. 

When it finally came time for John to move away for university, he immediately set his sights on London. But his quest for freedom quickly became bogged down by his load of school work. John still had a bit of hope that maybe he’d be able to build a life for himself just as he was. Over the course of his first six months in the city, John had developed a solitary lifestyle: quickly exiting classes so no one would stop to speak to him, keeping his head ducked down low to avoid eye contact. The only public place John found enjoyed going to were the bars. He was there at least once a week, sometimes more depending on how awful his week had been, without failure. The beautiful thing about being in a club was that by the time John got the courage to talk to someone, the buzz from the alcohol was enough for John to convince himself that he’d be willing to obey just about anything. 

“Meet me in the bathroom,”

“Come back to my place,”

“On your knees,”

“Make me scream, John”

“You’re going to take all of it,”

“Come here, pretty boy,”

The cycle broke on the night he met Brian. Brian was tall and had beautiful curly hair and the sweetest smile John had ever seen. There was something different about him, John could tell by the way his eyes glittered in the dark haze of the bar. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” Brian had asked over the music. They hadn’t even danced together, John barely had a few drinks and he definitely wasn’t planning on leaving so early. But Brian had given him a choice and John couldn’t help the way his heart beat a little faster at the interaction. 

They ended up finding a quiet pub not too far from campus and slipped into a booth at the back after stopping at the bar to order a round of drinks.

“Do you always take guys you find in bars out for a pint instead of taking them home?” 

Brian shook his head with a soft smile and his curls bounced, “Not usually. There’s just something about you that made me want to get to know you.” 

John ducked his head, hoping Brian didn’t catch the blush that crept over his cheeks. “And what would that be?” 

“That’s what I’m trying to find out.” Brian leaned back easily against the booth, his eyes settling on John. And John found that he didn’t mind one bit. 

John listened as Brian spoke, his voice was soft and smooth and John was completely captivated. He couldn’t remember the last time he had participated this much in a conversation, the last time he was able to look into someone’s eyes as he spoke to them. Brian was kind and took an interest in John’s life, asking about his studies and hobbies, and sharing stories of his own. 

“So there I was at three in the afternoon locked out of my dorm in just my boxers.” Brian chewed his lip at the memory and shook his head with a chuckle, “It was awful,” 

John grinned, “It sounds awful.” 

Sure, John had embarrassing stories of his own to tell, but they all stemmed from a command, which made it difficult to look back on those moments with laughter. No, he'd much rather listen to Brian's stories.

Brian let go of his lip and smiled, “I moved into a flat as soon as I could. At least now I can leave a spare key outside so I’ll never get locked out again.”

“Let me guess, it’s under your doormat?” 

Brian looked into his glass as he took a sip, “Maybe,” 

“So predictable,” John teased. 

He was surprised that he already felt comfortable enough with Brian to tease him. It was as if they'd known each other for years. They took their time nursing their drinks, getting completely lost in each other rather than getting drunk. 

Before John knew it, it was closing time and they were being politely kicked out. They stood on the sidewalk for a moment, just staring at each other. Brian glanced down at his shoes then back up at John, tongue darting out to his lips before breaking their silence,

“John, can I kiss you?” 

“I don’t know, Brian. Can you?” John said with a sly smile. 

Brian’s lips turned up as he laughed, his eyes sparkled in amusement. Brian’s laugh was the most beautiful sound John had ever heard. He wanted to make Brian laugh forever. 

“Not an answer I was expecting, but fair enough.” Brian grinned, “Let me try again.” 

He took a step closer to John, “John, would it be alright with you if I kissed you?” 

“Now?”

Brian tilted his head slightly and gave a nod, “Preferably, but I can wait.” 

“Yes,”

“Yes, you want me to wait?”

John giggled, “Yes, it would be alright if you kissed me. Now,” 

Brian let out a sigh of relief and closed the distance between them with another step forward. John tilted his head up and closed his eyes as Brian’s lips landed on his - they were soft and warm in contrast to the cool air of the night. John couldn’t help but smile into the kiss when he felt Brian’s hair tickle his cheeks. Brian went to pull back slightly but John chased his lips and threw his arms around Brian’s neck. Brian’s hands came to rest on John’s hips as he deepened the kiss, tongue teasing at John’s lips but never pushing. Eventually, they did have to pull away for air, but they didn’t go far, choosing to stay in each other’s arms. 

“You can come back to my place, if you want. It’s not far,” Brian quickly added, “But you don’t have to, obviously, if you don’t want to.” 

John felt his stomach flip and he smiled - not once that night had Brian ever commanded anything from him. He wasn’t used to feeling so at ease with someone, John wanted to find out more. “Your place sounds good to me,” 

Brian let out a breath, “Good, great - uh, let’s go then.” 

Brian led the way to his flat and they settled on his sofa. 

“Sorry I don’t have any drinks or anything, I wasn’t really planning on bringing anyone home.” Brian said, “Probably not the Saturday night you were expecting.” 

John smiled. Brian was nothing like John expected - John didn’t think it was even possible to expect someone like Brian. 

“No,” John murmured, “It’s much better.” 

There was Brian’s soft smile again and John’s heart skipped a beat. They sat close together, their heads were tipped forward towards each other as they fell into another conversation. Words flowed from John when he was around Brian, which was unusual. John was used to being the quiet one, it went hand in hand with being the obedient one. But there was nothing to obey with Brian because he never once ordered John to do anything, so there was no reason for him to stay in the quiet shadows of life. 

The second time they kissed, it was John who initiated it. He gave Brian the same courtesy that Brian had given him - he asked for permission. Of course, Brian said yes. Brian with his soft smile and soft voice and beautiful eyes. John was sure he never could have imagined someone as warm as Brian. Their lips met with more urgency this time, the shyness between them seemed to have dissolved and replaced by something that burned brighter and hotter. 

John eventually pulled away from their embrace, breathless, and kept things going the only way he knew how,

“Bedroom?” 

“Yeah, this way,” Brian got up and held his hand out for John to take as he led him to his room. 

John was nervous, he wished he was drunk. He was never nervous when he was drunk. He really wasn’t sure to expect, not usually sober enough to make any kind of decisions in these situations. So, John just settled on the bed beside Brian and the other man kissed him again, 

“What do you want?” Brian asked softly in his ear. 

John did what he knew others had wanted from him in the past: he laid back and pulled Brian on top of him. Brian seemed content to go along with it as he delved his tongue deeper into John’s mouth. 

John squirmed beneath him, realizing for the first time that he felt a little trapped like this. He tried to put the thought out of his mind, after all, he had been able to do this before. Brian sighed into his mouth and pressed himself a little closer. John tensed a little beneath him and he was torn because Brian felt so good against him but he just couldn’t seem to settle. 

“Is this really what you want?” Brian checked. 

“I -” John started. What  _ did  _ he want? He suddenly felt completely out of his depth.

His hesitance was enough for Brian to pull back to give him a questioning look.

“If this is too much it’s okay. We can stop, or just not go any further or whatever you want.”

John’s throat tightened with emotion. Brian was being so kind to him it was overwhelming. His voice cracked when he went to answer,

“I don’t know what I want. I usually just...do whatever the other person tells me to.”

Brian’s brow flexed and his eyes clouded with what looked like sympathy. “Oh, John,”

Brian rolled off of John, though he didn’t go far, just rested on his side and as he kept his gaze trained on John. 

“That’s not how sex is supposed to work, sweetheart.” Brian didn’t bat an eyelash as the pet name escaped his lips. 

John, on the other hand, felt his heart in his throat. He stayed on his back to avoid having to look at Brian head-on when he muttered,

“That’s how it’s been working for me.” 

“Well, that’s no good. You’re telling me that you have no idea what you like in bed because people have been taking advantage of your sweet and caring nature?” 

John turned on his side to Brian, surprised to find that he had settled rather close to him. “I haven’t said those exact words but I suppose you could say that.” 

“Do you  _ want  _ to find out what you like?” Quietly, Brian added, “I could help, you know, if you want.” 

“I guess,” John shrugged but he felt his cheeks flush. 

Brian quirked his lips, “Great! Okay, let’s start simple.”

“Oh you mean we’re doing this now?” John grinned as he teased to try to ease his nervousness.

Brian chuckled, “We’re just gonna talk tonight.” 

“You don’t have to do that. I can leave and go home,” 

“I'm happy to have you here. Maybe we could go get a fry up in the morning.”

“Really?” Did Brian actually just want to spend time with him?

“Yeah. But, I mean, you can leave if you want - you've always got a choice with me, John.”

His words brought tears to the back of John’s eyes. John knew he could get up and go home right now if he wanted to and nothing, no one would stop him. The thought almost made John laugh, as if he would want to leave the bed of the sweetest man in the world just to go home to his box of a dorm room. 

“I’ll stay,” John said quietly, suddenly very shy to voice his decision. 

“Fantastic,” Brian dove right back into their discussion without any preamble, “Do you masturbate?”

“ _ Brian _ !” John rolled onto his back and pressed his hands into his embarrassed face, almost wishing he  _ had  _ left. 

Brian let out a chuckle, “Come on, I’m serious. Do you touch yourself? I do.” 

John let his hands fall from his face and rolled back to Brian. With the bite of his lip, he gave a shy nod. 

Brian smiled, “There we go. What do you think about?” 

John let out another groan and went to turn away again but Brian was faster and threw an arm around him, pulling him in close. 

“You can tell me,” He encouraged quietly. John closed his eyes and nuzzled deeper into Brian’s chest, feeling the need to get as close to him as possible. “I can go first, if that helps?” 

John nodded against him. Sex talk didn’t usually make John squirmy, but there was suddenly a lot of emotion surrounding the whole situation and John was still trying to figure it all out. 

“Okay,” John felt Brian take a deep breath. Was he nervous about this too? “I’d say that my average, everyday fantasy --”

“So there are non-average ones?” John quipped. 

“Oh, there are definitely non-average ones,” Brian confirmed. His voice dropped to a husky tone, “Many non-average ones.” 

John’s entire body shivered as the words were whispered in his ear. Maybe there was something to this whole  _ talking  _ thing after all. 

“But back to my everyday fantasy,” Brian continued nonchalantly, “I quite enjoy thinking about getting fucked.” 

“You’ve done it?” John wondered out loud. 

Brian nodded, “I have. I like being beneath someone, having them surround me.” 

“I kind of like the idea of being on top,” John confessed quietly. “But I mean, I’ve never done it so I don’t know,” 

“Do you really think I’ve done even a quarter of the things I fantasize about? And you know, some fantasies are meant to stay fantasies. Not all of them are meant to come true.” 

John added  _ wise  _ to the mental list he was keeping of Brian’s qualities.

“I suppose,” Too stubborn to admit to Brian that he was right. 

“Do you think you’d like to try topping?” Brian asked curiously. “I’m not saying right now or anything, just, eventually.” 

John chewed at his bottom lip as he thought about it. For some reason, he’d never realized until just now that topping was even an option for him. 

“I think so, yeah,” 

“Works for me.” Brian placed a gentle kiss on John’s forehead. “What else do you think about? I’d love to hear all your fantasies.” 

They talked until dawn broke, intertwined beneath the sheets. John didn’t think he’d ever spent this much time feeling comfortable around someone. He was in no rush to go home, happy to stay in Brian’s arms for as long as the other man wanted him. The conversation had drifted away from sex hours ago as they got to know other things about each other. 

“You really don’t mind that we didn’t, you know, do anything tonight?” John asked, stifling a yawn. 

“I really don’t. I’m actually glad we didn’t, it’s been really nice to just get to know each other. Besides,” Brian added casually, “I never thought I’d manage to even get you out of the club. You’re so out of my league, but I had to take my chances.” 

John sputtered and pulled back to look at Brian in the face, “You think I’m out of your league? Brian,  _ you’re  _ way out of mine!” 

Brian grinned and shook his head, “I’m glad you think so. How about we get a couple hours of sleep and then go get something to eat? I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to get hungry.” 

John grinned. “That sounds lovely.” 

* * *

It was nearing the end of term and John only had one exam left to go. Things between him and Brian were going well, John was spending most of his free time at his place, only stopping by his dorm to grab things he needed. Brian had invited John to move in with him at the beginning of the month. Of course John eagerly agreed and they ended up deciding to wait until the end of their exams to make the move. In general, John was beginning to feel happy with his life. It was a very new and exciting feeling. 

However, John woke up on the morning of his last exam with a sneaking suspicion that it was going to be a terrible day. He tried to stay positive, he’d woken up beside Brian so his day had started off pretty well. And that was about as good as it got. John couldn’t find a seat in the library - his exam was in the last time slot of the day, 7 pm - 11 pm, and he desperately needed the day to study. He ended up finding a corner to sink in somewhere and tried to focus on his notes but his head just wasn’t in it. Still, John pushed through, dutifully spending the day with his nose in his books, keeping an eye out for when more comfortable seats became free. 

John walked across campus to the exam hall with his stomach in knots. He knew he wasn’t going to do well, he just hoped he knew enough to pass. With every step forward his anxiety rose and John slid into an empty seat at the last minute, trying to get his breathing under control and fend off what he knew could quickly turn into a panic attack. His heart was pounding, and he screwed his eyes shut to keep the tears from falling. John felt like he was crawling out of his skin - he wanted to get as far away as possible from these feelings. He spent the first thirty minutes of the exam just staring at the first page, trying to get his mind to pull through and stop racing. John stumbled his way through the questions, knowing better than to leave anything blank, but not knowing much else. 

Tears streamed quietly down John’s face the whole way back to his dorm. He was suddenly glad it was getting late, it meant that by the time he was ready he’d be able to go clubbing. John couldn’t stand the feeling gnawing inside of him, he just needed to get drunk to drown it all out. When he left his dorm, he purposely walked in the opposite direction of Brian’s flat. There was a pang in his heart at the thought of Brian, but John didn’t want him seeing him like this. Not when he couldn’t explain what sent him spiralling in the first place. No, Brian was better off far away from John. In fact, he was probably better off without him completely.

John got very drunk, very fast once he set foot in the club - he was getting good at that. Once he was sufficiently numbed by the alcohol, John made his way to the middle of the dancefloor and closed his eyes as he danced. It didn’t take long for a pair of hands to come rest on his hips and John reflexively ground back as they moved together. Eventually a pair of lips came down on his neck and the hands slipped to the front of his trousers, 

“Bathroom, now.” The voice commanded. 

And that’s where things started to get fuzzy. 

The early light of day hit John harshly the next morning as he pried his eyes open. He didn’t remember coming home last night but somehow he must’ve made it because he was in his bed. Alone. In his dorm. Why wasn’t he with Brian? Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Bits of the night were slowly coming back to John and he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut and hoping he was remembering a nightmare instead of a reality. John was sure he was going to be sick. Although, that was probably because of the drink and not  _ just  _ because of the guilt and regret he felt building up inside of him. Maybe. 

John didn’t bother getting out of bed that day for anything other than to throw up. He tossed and turned, drowning in guilt over the previous night. That afternoon, a loud knock as his door jolted John out of the daze he had fallen into. 

“John?” Brian’s muffled voice came in through the door and John’s stomach dropped. 

He took a breath, he had to face Brian at some point, he supposed.

“Thank god you’re okay,” Brian said as soon as John opened the door and he rushed to take him in his arms. John was stiff, unable to relax in the embrace and Brian pulled back. Hazel eyes examined John’s face carefully. 

“What did you do, John?” Brian asked. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean you look like a guilty puppy, which pleads the question, what did you do to make yourself look at me like that? Where were you last night?”

John looked away with a sigh and stepped inside the room, inviting Brian in. For a brief moment, John thought he might be sick again. He chanced an upward glance at Brian and in that moment it was as if Brian saw right through him. John watched the thought bloom in Brian’s mind as his eyes grew wide just before he furrowed his brow. When their eyes met Brian said, 

“You’ve cheated, haven’t you? That’s what you were doing last night.” 

John quickly casts his gaze down and screws his eyes shut. He couldn’t cry about this, he didn’t have the right to cry about this. 

“John?” Brian gets his attention again, “Am I wrong?” 

John shakes his head and quietly admits, “No, you’re not.” 

A single tear he couldn’t hold back rolls down his face and John’s quick to wipe it off. 

“With who?” Brian asks. 

John swallowed around the lump in his throat, wishing he could give Brian an answer he deserves. 

“I don’t know,” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Brian’s voice raises a little but John watches as he takes a deep breath. 

“It means I don’t remember, okay? I can’t even tell you his name or what he looked like or anything.” 

John watched as tears welled in Brian’s eyes and he tried to blink them back. 

“So you cheated on me with someone who could have been literally anyone?” John had never heard Brian’s voice sound so pained, and it hit him right in his heart. Brian continued, “It was literally anyone, just so long as it wasn’t me?” 

“God, Brian, No,” John said firmly. “That’s not why it happened. You’re the only part of my life that I actually like.” He sounded so pathetic, he knew. But it was the truth and he needed Brian to know it, needed Brian to know as much of the truth as he could possibly tell him. 

“Then why?” 

John could feel Brian’s gaze as it bore into him, heavy with all of his unsaid emotions. It made John want to go curl up under a million blankets and never resurface. 

“I can’t tell you,” John breathed out, “Because you won’t believe me.”

John wandered away to find his trousers from the previous night and pulled out his wallet. Next to the key to his dorm was Brian’s key to his flat - to what would have been their flat. John took it out and tossed the wallet aside. 

“You can have this back,” John murmured, chancing a look up at Brian as he handed him the key. 

Brian’s eyes narrowed as he pushed John’s outstretched hand back. 

“Wait, no - hang on. I want to talk about this, John.” 

John shook his head and something inside him broke. 

“It’ll happen again, Brian!” His eyes were wet with hot tears and his throat closed up when he tried to take a deep breath. “No matter what you say, what I say, it’ll happen again. I can never promise you that it won’t happen again because it will at some point. And then we’ll be going through this again only it’s going to hurt more next time and I can’t put you through that, not after what I’ve already done. You don’t deserve that, you deserve so much better than that.” 

“No, what I deserve better than is some cryptic bullshit nonanswer.” Brian shot back.

John was sure he wouldn’t be able to hold himself up much longer, the shame and guilt and anger that was swirling inside of him weighed him down. Brian was right, of course he was, he deserved the truth. Which was terrifying in its own right because no matter what John said, he knew Brian would never believe him. He sank down onto his bed and covered his face with his hands and started to sob quietly, unable to hold back any longer. Brian deserved so much better and John didn’t know if he could be that for him. John had to decide if he wanted to risk baring everything he was to Brian, only to be rejected in the end. It hadn’t even happened yet and it already hurt so fucking much. 

John whimpered as the sobs wracked his body. He felt Brian sit beside him and take him in his arms. 

“This is more than just last night, isn’t it?” Brian asked, cradling John against his chest. 

John nodded against Brian’s chest, constantly in awe of how intuitive Brian was. 

“Do you think you can tell me about it?” Brian rubbed slow circles along John’s back. “I know you’re hurting but I’m hurting too and I really need you to talk to me.” 

John nodded again, he knew Brian deserved an explanation - regardless of how terrified he was to give it. So, he focused on Brian’s heartbeat and how he smelled like home and with deep breaths John was able to calm himself down enough to sit up on his own. He dropped his head back in his hands and closed his eyes for a moment. 

“I kinda wish I wish drunk for this,” He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, of course he knew he couldn’t be. 

“I’ve a feeling that’s what got you into this mess in the first place,” Brian said. 

“This one specifically?” John huffed, “Yes. The mess that is my life? No.” 

John pulled himself up on the bed and tucked his legs beneath him, facing Brian. His hazel eyes were rimmed red and John knew he was trying so hard to keep himself together. John’s heart gave another squeeze, knowing it was his fault that Brian looked like that. He tried to put the thought out of his mind as he took another deep breath, 

“I want you to know that everything I’m about to tell you is true, even though I know you won’t believe me, and I know you’re going to walk out of here and be done with me.” 

“You’re many things John, but I know you’re not a liar.”

John started from the very beginning, telling Brian every detail he could possibly remember about the curse. Then John told him about the research he was trying and failing to do, about all the wrong turns he’d taken, all the dead ends he’d hit, how tired he was of trying to be free. 

When John got around to telling Brian about the humiliation of receiving a command he starts to cry again, the permanent shame he had simmering away in his blood came to a boil. Brian listened as he pulled John into his arms again. 

“You don’t have to talk about that part, if you don’t want to.” He encouraged quietly. 

John shook his head, “I have to, have to tell you everything.”

“Okay,” He murmured, “Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.” 

The pet name caught John by surprise and brought a new set of tears to his eyes. Maybe Brian wasn’t going to leave when he was done. He barely dared to entertain the thought. John launched himself into an explanation of everything that had happened to him, well everything that he could remember in any case. All the bars, all the alcohol, all the people. The escape of it all. The raging self-hatred the next morning. To top it all off with everything that happened the night before. 

They sat in heavy silence for a few moments before Brian finally said,

“So the first time we had sex was the first time you did it out of your own free will?” 

John looked up at him and creased his brow, “After everything I’ve told you,  _ that’s  _ your first question?” 

Brian nodded, sure of what he said. 

“Okay,” John sighed, “I don’t think so, but maybe. It’s the first time I wasn’t drunk.” He admitted.

“Oh my god, John, that’s awful.” Brian pulled him close. “That explains so much of why you acted the way you did the first night we spent together. Fuck, baby, if I’d have known I would’ve taken better care of you.” 

John sputtered, the day was giving him emotional whiplash. He’d expected a polar opposite reaction from Brian.

“ _ Better _ care of me? Brian, no one, ever, has taken care of me the way you do.” John could feel his eyes tear up again and he wiped at them, annoyed that he wasn’t finished with the crying. “Even my mum commands me to do things. But you never have. Not even an hour ago when you could have just told me to tell you what was going on. You’re the only person I feel safe around, and I can’t believe you’re still here.” 

“I may not understand everything that you’ve told me John, but you’re too bad of a liar to be making any of this up.”

“I can lie,” John knew his defence was weak. 

Brian chuckled, “Sure,” He pulled back to look John in the face. “About the research, I think I might be able to help you, but I have to look into a few things first.” 

“Are you serious, Bri?” John whispered. Never could he have imagined that Brian would stay by his side through this, but that was exactly what seemed to be happening. 

Brian nodded, “I am. Can you give me a day or two to get back to you about it?” 

When John nodded Brian tipped his head down to give him a soft kiss. 

“I can’t believe you’re still here,” John whispered when they parted. 

Brian took both of John’s hands in his and laced their fingers together, “I’m here. I promise.” 

* * *

It wasn’t until their second today of officially living together that John found out that Brian could play guitar - like, really well. He had come home early from a cancelled class to find Brian on the sofa, strumming softly while humming under his breath. John immediately dropped his things to the side and went to curl up on the armrest next to him - with an arm braced on the back of the couch, behind Brian, to support himself. Gazing at the way Brian’s elegant fingers move along the neck almost made John chuckle - he should’ve known there was a reason Brian was so damned talented with his hands. John hadn’t quite seen his boyfriend like this before, relaxed, mind focused, totally in his element. When the final notes drifted through the flat, John slid himself onto Brian’s lap, gently forcing Brian to set his instrument aside, and put his arms around his neck. 

“Why did it take me this long to find out that you’re a sexy guitarist?” 

Brian grinned and a rosy tint appeared on his cheeks, “I didn’t want to bother you with it when you came over. I just wanted to spend time together,” 

“That’s ridiculous. I would’ve loved to hear you play.” John kissed his cheek. 

“You will now,”

“Right now?” John teased. 

“Well, I could but,” Brian brought his arms around John and pulled him close, “I’m busy holding something much more interesting.” 

John hummed as he suppressed a giggle, “In that case, you can keep holding me and I’ll play for you,” 

Brian gave him a skeptical look, “Do you know how?” 

“Yes.” 

After a beat, Brian nodded and John picked up the guitar while rearranging himself a little on Brian’s lap. It had been years since John had played and he hoped that playing an instrument was like riding a bike. Because if it wasn’t, then John was about to make a fool of himself in front of his boyfriend, and that definitely wasn’t something he wanted to happen. John closed his eyes and took a breath before he began playing. The first few notes were shaky and uncertain but as his muscle memory kicked in, John relaxed a little and things fell into place. 

Brian was staring at him when he finished up,

“Okay, I’ll admit, I wasn’t actually expecting you to be any good.” 

John chuckled as he gently set the guitar aside, “I started on the guitar before switching over to bass,” 

“You play bass?” Brian asked. 

John nodded, “Yeah. Well, not anymore. Not for a while.” 

“Why not?” 

John shrugged and nestled himself closer to Brian, “I left it with my parents when I moved to London, I hated it in the end. I was forced to practice and my love for it got replaced with… I don’t know. Resentment?” 

Brian nodded as if he understood, though John knew there was no way he could, and then suggested, “You could bring it here, if you want. No one would force you to practice and maybe it’ll start calling your name again someday.” 

“Maybe,” John said, contemplating Brian’s offer. 

“But speaking of being forced to do things,” Brian said, dropping a kiss on John’s forehead, “I have some information to share with you,” 

“Oh?” 

“I didn’t want to say anything about it the other day because I didn’t want to be wrong.” 

John tipped his head back, “Just tell me, please,” 

“What you said about me never commanding anything from you got me thinking, because you were right, I could’ve just told you to tell me instead of asking you to talk. I didn’t notice I did that until you pointed it out, but once I realized it was like a memory had been triggered or something.”

“Can you get to the point, babe? Please, the curiosity is killing me,” 

Brian smiled and shook his head while he murmured, “Impatient,” 

John just shrugged and gave him a pointed look. Brian got the hint and kept going,

“I rang my dad, and it took a lot of convincing, but eventually he did admit what I already suspected.”

“Which would be?” John pressed. 

“My mum is cursed too.” 

John wiggled on Brian’s lap and sat up straighter, “Really? Same as me?” 

Brian nodded. John had never heard of anyone else being cursed - it was strange because, on the one hand, he felt almost happy that he wasn’t alone, but on the other, John knew it was a difficult life to live and he didn’t wish it on anyone. 

“She won’t talk about it, though,” Brian said, disappointment in his voice. “Apparently my dad tried to do some research on it before I was born but I think he only got about as far as you did. But he didn’t have access to an academic library like we do.” 

There was a glint in Brian’s eyes as he said it. John brought a hand up to cup Brian’s cheek, running his thumb gently along his cheekbone. John smiled softly as he gazed at Brian,

“You don’t have to do that, Bri. I should be getting off my ass and doing my own research.” 

Brian shook his head slightly, “Let me help you, sweetheart.”

* * *

Over the summer, it was mostly Brian who was able to get ahead in John’s research - master’s student and genius that he was. John had no idea where Brian found the time or the energy to keep going but John was forever grateful to have him. 

“Oh,” John heard Brian mutter after a few hours of tense silence. 

They were practically buried behind a pile of books Brian has brought out for them to go through at their table in the back of the library. 

“What do you mean, ‘oh’?” John whispered, “Good oh or bad oh?” 

Brian didn’t answer his question, “John, how old were you when you were cursed?” 

John shrugged, “I don’t know, ten or something like that.”

“Are you sure?” Brian urged. 

John squinted at him suspiciously, “Why? Tell me, Bri.” 

Brian sighed, “According to this, once you’ve been cursed for ten years, it becomes irreversible.”

John’s heart dropped. “Fuck. Here I thought things couldn’t get any worse.” 

“It’s possible that it isn’t true for your curse, there’s no name specifically mentioned here,”

“But it’s also possible that it is true for my curse,” John muttered bitterly.

“Yeah. So, are you sure you were ten? Can you try to remember as much about the night it happened as you can? We need as many details as possible to try to pin down the day.” 

John let his head fall in his hands and he groaned. For years now he’d been trying to forget that night, trying to push it out of his mind - trick himself into thinking that he was normal. And now, his cure hinged on what he could remember of the night. Brian rubbed at his back and whispered,

“It doesn’t have to be right now. Take your time,”

“Apparently we don’t have time,” John whined. 

He heard Brian sigh beside him but otherwise he stayed silent. John knew he was right. If he couldn’t remember, he could be stuck with the curse forever any day now, or maybe it was already too late. John’s chest tightened and he couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped his throat. Brian pulled him close and John buried his face in his chest,

“I’m so fucking tired, Bri,” John whispered, feeling the hot tears spill down his face. “I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t.” 

“I know, baby, I know. I promise, we’ll figure it out.”

“You can’t promise that,” John snivelled. 

“I promise that you’ll be okay, no matter what happens. I’ll always take care of you and keep you safe.” 

John didn’t want to have to be taken care of forever - he wanted to take care of himself and give back all the love he was getting. The thought cleared John’s head a little, the only way he was going to be able to do that was to bite the bullet and dedicate himself to remembering everything he could about that night. He took a deep breath and sat up, blinking away the tears as he looked at Brian, 

“I remember it was on Halloween.” 

Brian smiled softly at him and brought his thumb up to wipe the tears away from John’s cheeks. 

“When you were ten?” John nodded and Brian continued, “So we have just over a year to figure it out.” 

John took a breath, “I need a break. Want a coffee?” 

“I have a new strategy,” Brian announced when John came back, two cups of coffee in his hands. 

“How is your brain still working?” John asked in wonder. They had been at it almost all day and John was ready to curl up on the table and go for a nap. Hence the coffee. 

Brian smirked, “I have good stamina,” 

John rolled his eyes at Brian’s innuendo and handed him his coffee, “What’s this new strategy of yours?” 

“Instead of looking  _ for  _ the curse, maybe we should look  _ at  _ the curse.” 

John took a gulp of his drink, hoping the caffeine would work its magic. “You’re going to have to help me out a bit here, Bri.” 

“Do you happen to remember what the curse actually says, word for word?” Brian shifted in his chair so he was facing John beside him. He crossed an ankle over his knee and leaned in, “Because if you do, we can analyze it and see if there’s an answer hidden somewhere in it. Everything has the power to destroy itself.” 

John could see the satisfaction of having thought of a different approach glowing on Brian’s face and he smiled at him in amazement,

“You’re a genius, you know,” 

Brian chuckled self-consciously and waved him off. “Do you remember it?”

John nodded, “It’s only the words that have been haunting me for the last decade.”

“Can you write it down for me? We’re going to solve this,” Brian said, taking John’s hands in his and giving them a squeeze. There was so much confidence in his voice that John almost believed him. 

* * *

“What if it means true love?” Brian mused out loud a few nights later. 

John had been seconds away from falling asleep. He rubbed at his eyes and peered down at Brian in his arms, not that he could see much in the darkness,

“What if what means true love?” 

“The curse. What if the way to break it is true love?”

John buried his face in Brian’s curls to kiss at the top of his head, “You’re my true love,” He paused a moment then asked, “Did it work?” 

Brian chuckled against him, “We shouldn’t be joking about that,” 

“What if I wasn’t joking?”

“Wait, hang on -” Brian scrambled to get up and turned on the lamp on his side of the bed. 

John squinted in the light while trying to glare at his boyfriend, “Turn it off, you arse. I was almost asleep,” 

“I think I just figured it out!” Brian called from where he had raced to the sitting room. 

John just grunted and buried his face in his pillow as he listened to Brian rummage through something. A moment later Brian came back with the sheet of paper John had written the curse on. 

“Look,” He said, gently nudging John’s shoulder. 

John opened his eyes to see Brian sitting up beside him, so he stretched before moving to rest against Brian’s shoulder. Brian pointed to the section of the curse he was thinking of,

“What if there’s more? Here it talks about a true diamond, right? So, you and I make a line, but what if we’re missing two more?” Brian brought his hand up and elegantly traced a diamond shape in the air in front of them. “Add two more people, and it makes a diamond.” 

John looked at him skeptically, “You don’t think that’s a bit of a stretch?” 

“No, because think of it this way: you love me, right? You may not be in love with me, but you love me, care about me.”

“I am,” John said quickly, “I am in love with you, Brian.” He was suddenly overwhelmed by the need for Brian to know. “I love you,” 

Brian smiled at him, kind and soft, and brought their lips together. They moved together tenderly, neither one of them in a rush. John sighed when Brian’s tongue found its way into his mouth and he let his fingers get lost in Brian’s hair. 

“I love you too,” Brian said against John’s lips when they pulled apart to catch their breaths. “Which brings me back to my original point,”

For a moment John had completely forgotten about the curse - his mind filled with nothing but Brian, who kept going,

“What if there are others who you’re supposed to love and care for as much as me? Think about the amount of love that generates - it has to be enough to break a curse.” 

“But I don’t want to lose you,” John certainly wasn’t going to go around falling in love with others if it meant he would lose Brian. 

Brian immediately put an end to his insecurities, “Who said anything about losing me? I’m in this with you, baby, all the way.” 

* * *

John was lost. There, he admitted it. He had been wandering around the same building on campus for far too long now, thankful that he had given himself plenty of time to get to his class. That he couldn’t find, apparently. He kept his eyes trained to the directional signage above him, trying to remember if he had been down this way before. His arms were getting tired, he was carrying far too many textbooks and a stack of precariously placed loose papers. John had half a mind to just find his way out of this godforsaken building and take himself home. He could probably just teach himself the material anyway. As John turned the corner he bumped into someone’s back, and of course everything went flying everywhere. 

“Shit,” John hissed, he immediately scrambled to gather his things up. He could feel his cheeks heating in embarrassment and he prayed the other person wouldn’t make a scene. 

“Watch it, mate,” 

When John looked up, the other man’s eyes softened and he bent down to help John pick everything up. 

“Oh, you don’t have to -- I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” John clamoured as he fumbled around for his things. 

But the blond man just grinned, “You’re totally lost, aren’t you?”

John gawked, how could he possibly know that? 

“It’s okay, I was too, my first year.”

“It’s not my first year,” John spat out a little too defensively. 

The other man didn’t seem phased, “Oh, well, hey, good on you for still looking so young,” He tossed John a wink. 

John smirked, feeling the unusual urge to tease back, “Are you telling me that I still look like a child?” 

“Uh,”

“Cause you’d be right.” John laughed. 

The other man joined in as he said, “Nah, you’re far too good looking for that.” 

And just like that, he had the upper hand again. 

The man extended his hand out in invitation for John to shake. “I’m Roger, by the way,” 

John took it with a small smile, trying to get the flush of his cheeks under control. “John,”

“Well, John, I can probably help you get to where you’re supposed to be if you want to tell me where that is.” 

John’s smile widened at Roger’s words.  _ If you want _ , that was how Brian spoke to him too. John shared the location of his maths class and Roger laughed, a beautiful and carefree laugh.

“That’s where my next class is,” 

Roger started leading them back into the direction John had been coming from. 

“You mean I was going completely the wrong way?” John asked, a little dismayed at his directional skills. 

Roger turned around to grin at him, “No, but I know a shortcut.” 

John barely heard him, too distracted by the pools of blue in Roger’s eyes that seemed to just be drawing him in. 

“Coming?” Roger asked. 

John immediately got along with Roger, he was kind and quick-witted and always made John laugh. They became study partners, spending long days in the library together, and evenings silently working at John and Brian’s kitchen table. Sometimes, when they got stuck on a problem, John would call Brian over and he would come tutor them with a smile on his face. John was so glad that Roger and Brian got along, in fact, the three of them very quickly became inseparable. Especially when Brian found out Roger played the drums. Once that happened John started seeing Roger coming home with Brian, who’d be carrying his guitar back home. When John realized that the two had bonded over playing music together, a part of him started to yearn for his bass. Maybe he’d actually have to consider Brian’s suggestion after all. 

* * *

It was at the start of their winter semester that John started toying with the idea of telling Roger about the curse. Brian thought it was a good idea,

“He could be the one, John. I’m telling you. And even if he isn’t, I think he’ll still understand. But it’s your choice, my love, always.” 

Roger really was perfect for them; he’d never commanded John once, always making sure John knew he had a choice. Exactly the way Brian did. John felt safe around Roger, like he could really be himself. But, as both he and Brian knew, to truly be himself, John had to risk it all.

About three weeks into the semester, the pair were in their time slot for a private study room in the library, when John finished a problem and dropped his pencil down. 

“How do you feel about curses?” He asked, breaking Roger’s concentration. 

The blond looked over at him, and immediately abandoned his studies, curiosity dancing in his eyes, “You mean, like, swear words, or…?” 

John shook his head, “More like ‘only true love will break the curse’ curses.” 

“Oh,” Roger fell silent for a moment as he seemed to consider John’s words. “Seems believable.” 

“I know it sounds ridiculous but -- wait, what did you say?” John was sure he had misheard. 

Roger laughed, “I said that it seems believable. Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. Or just because I’ve not experienced something doesn’t mean that experience doesn’t exist elsewhere for others. Or maybe I have experienced it and I just don’t know.”

“You’d know,” John muttered to himself.

He searched Roger’s face carefully, afraid that he was joking. But there was no smirk or teasing wink, Roger’s face was as open and honest as ever. 

“Why do you ask?”

Then John didn’t really know what to say, he hadn’t expected to get this far. So, he ended up telling Roger everything. 

“Brian explains it better than I do, I think. He’s been doing most of the research on it.” John finished, unsure if any of what he had said made sense.

Roger, surprisingly, took everything John told him in stride. “I can help with that, if you want.” 

John shook his head, “You don’t have to do that, Rog,”

“I know,” Roger smiled, “I want to.” 

John waved him off, “Brian thinks it has something to do with me falling in love with other people. So we’re ‘on the lookout’ as he puts it.”

“We?” Roger asked

“Yeah, well, I’m not leaving him to go hook up or fall in love with other people or whatever. We decided we’d be in it together - date other people together.” 

Roger cocked his head to the side, blue eyes intense on John.

“So what you’re saying is that in theory, if I was to ask you out on a date, I’d also have to ask Brian?” 

John nodded, though he wasn’t sure why Roger would ever want to go out with them. They were just mates, weren’t they? He’d have to ask Brian, he was a lot more intuitive than John was. 

“In theory, yes. But I don’t know if it’ll work. We’ve never tried it.” 

“Well, that’s because I haven’t asked you out yet.” 

John rolled his eyes and elbowed Roger playfully in the ribs, “As if you’d ever.” 

“I’m serious!” Roger squeaked, “Just you wait and see.” 

A few days later, the pair were found on John’s couch, intending to study but they hadn’t gotten around to it yet. 

“John?” 

“Yeah?”

“Do you and Brian want to go out with me sometime?” 

John laughed, “Fuck off, you’re not serious.” 

Then Brian came in and the interaction was forgotten. 

The next week, John and Roger were walking home from class - well home to John’s - when Roger brought it up again. 

“There’s a gig this weekend I’m going to, you and Brian should come with me. We could make it a date.” 

“We’re not dating, Rog,” John said with a laugh. 

Roger just shook his head with a smile, “Not yet, not when you keep being a stubborn ass about it.” 

John bumped their shoulders together, “I’m not being an ass, you’re just being ridiculous.” 

After that Roger seemed to drop the joke and John was kind of glad he hadn’t asked again. He was already in trouble, his feelings for Roger growing stronger, but he knew Roger would never feel the same way. Why would he? John was lucky enough to have Brian, but he wasn’t about to kid himself into thinking that he could  _ actually _ score two boyfriends. He went along with Brian’s theory because John really didn’t have anything to lose, but that was it. He would never tell Brian, but John didn’t really believe they’d be able to undo the curse in time. Instead, he kept his head down and surrounded himself with the two people who he knew cared about him and would keep him safe all while trying not to worry about the future. 

One night, weeks later, when Brian and John were lying in bed, Brian broached the subject again,

“Roger wants to go out with us, you know.” 

John shook his head, “He’s just having a laugh, he doesn’t really want to. He’s been trying with me for weeks.”

“John,” 

When Brian didn’t continue John cracked open his eyes and stared up at him, “What?” 

“You’re an idiot sometimes,”

“What?” 

Brian shook his head fondly, “Roger has a crush on us, love. He genuinely does want to go out with us, he knows we’re a package deal.” 

“Wait, he told you that?” 

“Yes, he also said that you kept turning him down because you didn’t think he was serious.”

“When did he say that?”

Brian tipped his head, as if trying to remember, “Last week? We were doing research, I think.” 

“He’s doing research with you? Like about me?” 

“I thought you knew. He said you’d talked about it.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think he was serious.” 

Brian chuckled, “I think Roger’s a lot more serious than you give him credit for. What do you say?”

“Do you want to?” John asked

Brian nodded, “Yeah, I like him. But it’s your choice in the end, you know that.” He dropped a kiss on John’s forehead and John smiled. 

“I like him too. He makes me feel safe, just like you do.” 

* * *

Months later, the trio (who had been dating and living together since Brian got John’s head out of his arse.) was still bogged down with research. Though they had Brian’s theorized solution for John’s curse, they kept looking for any other cure that may come to light. John and Brian were once again spending the day in the library when Roger came to find them once he finished his classes. Brian quickly brought him up to speed on what they had discovered so far,

“Nothing.”

“We still have seven months, we can definitely do it.” He smiled at John and Brian and grabbed a book from the pile that still needed to be read through. Roger cracked his knuckles and flipped it open, “Let’s keep going, yeah?”

John smiled and kissed his cheek. Roger always brought renewed energy to their research sessions, so John dutifully reached for yet another book and started reading through it. The three fell into a comfortable silence as they worked. John had lost track of time when Brian announced,

“Okay, here’s what I’ve pieced together so far.” 

John and Roger immediately put their books down and, of course, John’s stomach grumbled loudly in the quiet of the study area. Roger patted John’s stomach gently,

“Hungry, love?” 

“It’s fine. Tell us what you’ve got, Bri.” 

“We’ll go eat after this, I’m getting pretty hungry too,” Brian said before he took a breath and launched into his findings. “It seems that at some point in time, centuries ago, it was incredibly popular in England to curse people to try to eradicate the seven deadly sins. They were referred to as the seven blessed curses - a blessing for everyone around, but a curse for the individual.” 

“Sounds about right,” John muttered bitterly. 

Brian showed them a passage in one of the books he had opened to illustrate his point. He continued after Roger and John had read it, “Things seem to get a little fuzzy after that and there isn’t much mention of the curses again - and no mention of a cure.”

John groaned and Brian held up a finger, “Don’t get too discouraged yet, baby. From what I can tell, it looks like some five hundred years later it finally came to an end. There’s mention of a revolt in this book here,”

Brian twisted around to find the book he was referencing, trapped under another small pile of books, and showed that one to Roger and John. 

“Okay,” John shrugged, “Where does that leave me?” 

“Well,” Brian started, “There are very few recorded instances of any of the seven curses being broken. But I have come across one or two accounts so we know it’s possible. Unfortunately, neither of those instances is for the Obedience curse, so they’re not really much help to us.” 

John slumped against Roger’s side, and the blond immediately wrapped an arm around his shoulder. 

“Fucking hell, Bri. You actually had me thinking there was a chance!” 

“There  _ is  _ a chance, John. Don’t forget about my other theory.”

John groaned, “What are the chances the three of us find one more person to fall in love with within the next few months?” 

Roger gave John a squeeze, “Don’t give up yet, love. Lots can happen in a few months.” 

Brian nodded his agreement. John’s stomach made another noise and he buried his face in the crook of Roger’s neck to hide his embarrassment. Roger chuckled,

“Let’s get out of here and go get some food.” 

Dining Hall food wasn’t the best, but it was close and that was all the boys really cared about. The place was packed, which wasn’t surprising seeing as everyone was struggling to get through to the end of the semester. They got their food as quickly as they could and ate in comfortable silence. John couldn’t take his mind off what Brian had turned up in their research. Not that it was much, but it was enough for John to lose another little bit of hope. He wasn’t paying attention as they got up to leave and backed his chair into someone who was trying to squeeze by. 

“Go fuck yourself,” The guy spat at John before walking away, not even giving him enough time to apologize. 

“That time of the semester where everyone turns into a dick, I guess,” Brian muttered. 

But John barely heard him as his legs started leading him away - he had no idea where he would end up. There was no point in fighting it, John knew, it was a command and he would have to see it through. Whatever that meant, this time around. Luckily, Roger was quick and caught on to what was happening immediately.

“John,” He called out, “Stay here with us,” 

Relief washed over John as he rejoined his boyfriends, “Thanks,”

“Where you actually going to - ?” 

Roger didn’t have time to finish asking his question before John nodded. 

“That’s awful,” Brian whispered, almost to himself. 

“I’ve done worse things,” John said, discouraged. Suddenly, the weight of his fate was too much to bear and tears were forming in his eyes. Roger noticed right away and pulled him into a hug, 

“It’s okay, baby,” He hushed, “We love you,”

“We do, so much,” Brian echoed, hand rubbing John’s back. 

“Can we go home?” John murmured as exhaustion settled into his bones. 

“Good idea,” Brian said, “Let’s go.” 

* * *

“What about him?” Roger asked, discreetly pointing to a guy who had walked by their table in the library. It was the beginning of their fall semester and Roger and Brian had taken to randomly pointing out people they thought John might be interested in, seeing as the clock was ticking. 

John shook his head, “No, too short.”

They were quiet for another moment before Brian asked, “Him?” 

He tipped his head towards another guy sitting a few tables away from them. John contemplated it, but in the end he shook his head again,

“No,” 

“What if it’s a girl?” Roger asked, 

John groaned, and dropped his head against his notebook on the table. 

“Oh god, I hope not.” He didn’t have anything against girls, per se, but if there was one thing John was certain about in his life it was his sexuality. “There’s no way,” He concluded, “The love has to go both ways for it to be true. Right?” 

Brian nodded as if he was the expert on true love, and Roger grimaced a little,

“Youch, okay then, not a fan of the ladies I see.” 

John giggled, “Sorry babe, I didn’t mean to offend your bisexuality,” 

Roger grinned at him and gave him a playful punch in the arm, and John swatted at him to fend him off with a laugh. Beside them, Brian was tapping the end of his pencil against his notebook as he muttered,

“We’re running out of time,”

John and Roger sobered at his remark and John turned his attention back to his notes, desperately trying to drown out Brian’s comment ringing in his ears. 

* * *

Mid-October had come around and the stress in their household was steadily rising, simmering away as the days kept going by. The three of them were in the kitchen, Brian was getting their dinner ready and while Roger claimed he was helping, John kept catching him picking at bits of food when Brian’s back was turned. John was at the end of the table, tinkering away at a part of his amp. 

He had caved and brought his bass back from home when he went to visit over the summer. Brian was right, no one ever forced him to pick it up and play and soon John had found himself opening the case and taking it out for the first time in well over a year. Brian and Roger had made no comment when they came home to find him playing, they just smiled at him encouragingly. Eventually, John was comfortable enough in his skill to start playing with Brian and Roger. 

John was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Brian ask,

“What the fuck is a pre-Halloween party?” 

Roger, who was now sitting on the counter, picking at the carrots Brian was chopping answered,

“It’s a Halloween party held before Halloween. This one’s on the Saturday before, since actual Halloween falls on a Tuesday this year. They’re pretty common, have you never been to one?”

Brian ignored his question and slapped at his hand when Roger’s fingers came down to steal another piece,

“Why can’t they just call it a Halloween party?”

“Because it’s not  _ on  _ Halloween, Brian,” Roger’s voice was in that pitch he got when he was exasperated. 

“Should we really be going out so close to, you know,  _ the day _ ,” Brian asked, sliding what was left of the sliced carrots into a pot he had going on the stove. “Shouldn’t we be doing as much research as we can?” 

“But think of it as research!” Roger said, hopping down and wrapping his arms around Brian’s waist, chin resting on his shoulder. “Maybe we’ll end up meeting the final love of our lives,”

John, who had been happy to stay out of the conversation, piped in at that, 

“Works for me,” 

Brian turned to him, one hand still gently stirring the contents of the pot, the other settled on top of Roger’s hands at his front,

“You really want to?” 

John nodded, “There’s only so much we can still do, Bri. This year has been exhausting, good because I found you guys, but still exhausting. We deserve to have some fun. Don’t you think?” 

* * *

“Holy shit, babe,” John whispered roughly when Brian walked into their living room. 

Beside him, Roger looked up and echoed his sentiments,

“There’s no way we’re getting through the party with you looking like that,” 

“What?” Brian asked, hazel eyes opened wide and innocent. 

It just made him more irresistible to John. “‘What’? You walk into our sitting room in fishnets and then have the nerve to ask why we’re drooling over you?” 

“Oh,” Brian looked down, almost as if he had forgotten he was wearing them under his witch costume, “You like them?” 

John and Roger immediately got up and wrapped their arms around him, kissing at his face and neck. 

“You look so fucking delicious,” Roger said, voice raspy, as if his own Greek god costume hadn’t made John’s knees weak. 

“I can’t wait to ruin them,” John whispered in Brian’s ear. 

Brian let out a faint groan, “We have to go,” 

John shrugged, “It’s a party, who cares if we’re late?” 

They ended up being very late, since Brian had to redo his makeup after Roger and John were finished with him. Worth it, John figured, as he spotted a run in Brian’s stockings that definitely hadn’t been there at the beginning of the night. It was probably Roger’s fault anyway, John had been a bit more careful than him. Once inside, the party was in full swing, with music and decorations and of course a lot to drink. Roger got swept away from them almost immediately by the people who had invited him, but John and Brian got comfortable in their corner as they watched Roger work his charming magic to everyone he spoke to. 

“Do you want some punch?” John asked after a little while of chatting and a bit of dancing together. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” 

As Brian and John stood by the punch they were each distracted. Brian by a friend he had run into, with whom he was now having a lengthy conversation about stars, and John by a warm pair of eyes that had found his across the room. Everything suddenly became background noise to John as he focused on the pair of brown eyes he found so inviting. The man, dressed in a red checkered shirt that was half open and some suspenders, gave John a smile that lit up the whole room. John found himself quickly glancing behind him to make sure there wasn’t someone else the man could possibly be looking at. When he turned back around John was surprised to find the man walking towards him. His eyes moved to Brian a few feet beside him, still engrossed in his conversation, hands gesturing animatedly. As if sensing his eyes on him, Brian turned around and caught John’s gaze. John grinned at him and tipped his head slightly towards the man making his way in front of him. Brian grinned back at him, immediately understanding what John meant. But John didn’t miss the way Brian angled his body as he continued his conversation, he made sure to keep John in his line of sight.

“Hello, there,” 

John’s heart fluttered immediately - the man’s voice had an almost musical tone to it, and John wanted to hear more. He introduced himself as Freddie, and John quickly found himself swept up in a conversation. 

Eventually, Freddie asked if he wanted to dance, and John agreed eagerly. Freddie extended his hand out to lead John to the middle of the room. Out of the corner of his eye, John saw the way Brian’s shoulders tensed as he got ready to follow him and Freddie. But John didn’t need rescuing tonight, so he gave Brian a bright smile and a thumbs up. Brian visibly relaxed and gave John a matching smile. John just had enough time to see Roger make his way up to Brian before Freddie pulled him close. Now pressed up against Freddie, John’s focus shifted entirely to him. Freddie seemed to be another intuitive type, John determined - he always seemed to know exactly where to put his hands or how to move against John to keep him comfortable. And a bit more than a little turned on. As they danced, John caught his boyfriends smiling at him a few times, seemingly happy to watch from the sidelines as John enjoyed himself. John was warm and happy as the alcohol and the music buzzed through him. He closed his eyes and felt safe with Freddie’s hands on him. 

When their hearts were pounding and sweat was beading down their necks, the pair decided to stumble away from the sea of moving bodies, arms wrapped around each other and heads bent close together as they laughed. 

“I’d really like to kiss you, darling. If that’s alright,” Freddie said as they caught their breaths. 

John’s heart jumped in his throat, “I-I have two boyfriends,” 

“Oh?” Freddie raised an eyebrow. 

“No - I mean, well, yes, I do have two boyfriends. That didn’t come out the way I wanted it to,” John glanced away in embarrassment. “I just thought you should know, but I still want you to kiss me. If-if you still want to,” John stumbled over his words, blushing so much he was sure his entire face was red. 

But Freddie just grinned, kind eyes shining at John, “You’re completely adorable. Are your boyfriends just as handsome as you are?” 

John ducked his head again, tucking some loose strands of hair behind his ears. “They’re the good-looking ones, not me.” Freddie would fit right in, John thought. “We’re looking for someone else to join us,” He blurted, then tried to backtrack. “Well, sort of. It’s complicated.” He sighed, and settled with asking, “Do you want to meet them?” 

John prayed he hadn’t made too much of a fool of himself. 

“I’d love to, dear.” 

John smiled and took his hand, leading Freddie over to where his boyfriends were still standing together. Roger was practically plastered to Brian’s side, fingers flirting with the hem of his dress and gliding over the little squares of skin exposed by the stockings. They straightened up a little when John and Freddie arrived.

“John was right, you’re both very good-looking,” 

John giggled at Freddie’s forwardness and realized he was still holding his hand. It felt nice, natural, so he gave it a squeeze and Freddie grinned at him. Roger perked up at the compliment, blue eyes visibly raking up and down Freddie’s body. 

The four of them immediately fit together; Freddie was kind and funny, a perfect mirror for Roger’s energy and for Brian’s intellect. It was Freddie who took Roger and Brian both by the hand to get them to go dance with him, seemingly confident that John would follow them. He wasn’t wrong, of course. John lost track of time, happy to be pressed up between his boyfriends - and Freddie as they danced the night away. 

They left the party together, not wanting to put an end to the night. John didn’t realize that they were headed home until they got to the door of their building. 

“Oh, Freddie, I guess we never asked if you wanted to come home with us,” John said as Brian let them in. 

“We’re probably just going to keep hanging out,” Roger said, holding the door open for Freddie. 

Brian smiled at Freddie from inside the building, “You’re more than welcome to stay with us.” 

Freddie beamed at them, “Lead the way, darlings.” He murmured a thank you to Roger as he stepped through the open door to join them. 

They settled in the sitting room, pulling Freddie into their heap of cuddles on the sofa. Roger squealed as Freddie landed on top of him, he scrambled to wrap his arms around Freddie and pulled him close. Roger was leaning against John’s shoulder while Brian sat curled up on his lap. 

“Is this what you always do when you get home?” Freddie asked. 

“Sometimes,” Brian answered, head resting against John’s other shoulder, “Usually after nights out, yeah.” 

“Just for a few minutes,” John said. “While we talk about the night or figure out what we want to do next,” 

“Sometimes we fall asleep,” Roger shrugged.

“Those are the worst nights,” Brian moaned, “I always wake up with a crick in my neck.”

“That’s what you get for being so damn tall,” Roger teased, he squirmed and stretched a hand out to try and tickle at Brian’s waist. But Brian was ready and fended him with a laugh,

“No, that’s what I get for being a considerate boyfriend and holding you when you’re being needy even though  _ I  _ also want to be held,”

“That’s why we have John!”

“You were holding him!” 

“Oh, are you still on about that? It was three weeks ago, Brian, get over it. You can’t always be the little spoon,” 

“My neck still hurts,” 

“Want me to rub it for you, baby?” Roger waggled his eyebrows at him. 

“No, you owe me a cuddle, you menace.” 

“If you two are quite finished,” John interrupted, “I think we have beer in the fridge. Let’s get up,” 

John gently nudged Brian off his lap and intertwined their fingers while he led him to the kitchen. While John rummaged through the fridge Brian took some snacks out. Before heading back in, Brian dropped a kiss to John’s head,

“I love you, tonight was a good idea,” 

John smiled, “I love you too. And you thought tonight would be better spent hunkered down in a library. Don’t think we would’ve found Freddie in the library,” 

Brian hummed, “Something tells me we wouldn’t of.” 

They reentered the sitting room to find Roger and Freddie sitting on the sofa, heads tipped close together as Roger strummed quietly on his acoustic guitar. They erupted into a fit of giggles, completely unaware of their audience. John watched as Roger passed the guitar over to Freddie, who started playing a little bit louder, but just as well. 

John sighed contently, feeling strangely anchored in the moment as he leaned against Brian. “He’s perfect, isn’t he, Bri?” 

John saw Brian’s curls bounce a little out of the corner of his eye as he nodded, “You think so too, huh?” 

“I think he’s the one,” John whispered. 

"Should we tell him?" Brian mused out loud. 

"Not yet, I don't think. Let's see how the rest of the night goes."

"Should we tell Roger?"

John watched as Freddie copied the movements Roger was showing him with ease. Roger had a blinding smile on his face as the two laughed at something Freddie said. "Something tells me that Roger already knows."

As if sensing he was being spoken about Roger turned to them, "Are you guys going to join us or what? Freddie says he's good at Scrabble." 

Turns out Freddie actually  _ was _ good at Scrabble, good enough to win two rounds against the rest of them. The darkness of the night was beginning to lift when they were finally too exhausted to stay awake any longer, the trio whisking Freddie into their bedroom. 

“We’re not going to make you sleep out on the sofa all alone, love,” Roger had explained as he took Freddie’s hand to lead him out of the sitting room. 

“You can if you want to though,” Brian clarified as they entered the bedroom. It made John smile. “But you can always stay with us.” 

Freddie grinned at him, and gave him a wink, “If you think I’m missing out on my chance to spend the night with three gorgeous men, you’re completely mad.” 

John had already crawled into bed and Freddie joined him, holding his arms out to Brian with a soft smile,

“Now, darling, I believe you mentioned wanting to be held?” 

John had never seen Brian move faster. As Brian settled with his back against Freddie’s chest, Roger managed to squeeze in between him and John - one leg thrown over Brian’s hips. 

“We really need a bigger bed,” He moaned, not for the first time. 

“If Freddie keeps joining us, maybe it’ll be worth getting a bigger bed.” John murmured as he settled against the pillow, eyelids heavy. 

“How come I wasn’t worth getting a bigger bed for?” 

John didn’t even have to see Roger to know he was pouting, so he pulled him closer and kissed his head,

“We just like to keep you extra close, babe.” 

Roger let out a content hum, seemingly satisfied with John’s answer. From the other side of the bed, there was a hesitant,

“Brian?” 

“Yeah, Freddie?” 

“When you said I could ‘always stay’ -?”

“I meant it. We all do.” 

* * *

At around noon the next day John woke up to a faceful of Brian’s curls, Roger having somehow made his way into Freddie’s arms. John shifted and heard Brian utter a quiet,

“Oh, you’re awake,” Before turning around in his arms. 

John smiled at him - his hair was a dark unruly mess of curls and frizz, a contrast to the calm hazel eyes that peered up at John. 

“Good morning, love,” John whispered. 

Brian leaned up to give him a kiss, a little sour with sleep but tender as ever. “Good morning, sweetheart.” 

John pulled him close and breathed him in, he smelled like Brian. Like home. John’s stomach growled, interrupting the silence of the room. 

Brian laughed quietly, “God, you’re always hungry.” He gave John another kiss, “I’ll go get something started,”

“You don’t have to, Bri.”

Brian just smiled at him, “I know, I want to. Besides, we’ll have to feed those two when they wake up.” He tipped his head back to the pile of limbs that was supposed to be Roger and Freddie. 

“Let me help you,” 

“You can stay in bed if you want, baby. I’ve got it under control.” 

John wasn’t about to argue with that as he watched Brian wiggle his way out of bed and disappear into the hall. John had just closed his eyes again when he felt the bed shift and received an elbow in the ribs.

“Piss off, Rog,” He muttered, pushing the offending limb off of him. 

Not two seconds later, Roger’s knee was in John’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. John shook his shoulder and Roger woke up glaring at him. 

“Don’t bitch, you started beating me up.” 

Roger huffed a little, but John knew it was just for show by the way his eyes softened.

“Sorry, love.” 

John pulled him close, “That’s why we didn’t get a bigger bed when you came along, you get restless when you sleep in open spaces. Although, I’m still not entirely sure how you managed to get  _ over  _ Brian last night without pushing any of us off. Very impressive.” 

He felt Roger smile against him and kiss at his throat, 

“I’m always impressive.” 

Roger brought his head up to capture John’s lips with his. John sighed against him, Roger felt right. Like home. When Roger pulled away he said,

“Something smells good,” 

“Bri’s making breakfast.” 

Roger smiled, excitement sparkling in his eyes, “Think I have time to shower before it’s ready?” 

“If you don’t take two hours like you usually do,” John teased. 

Roger stuck his tongue out at him, “You could join me, I’ll make those two hours worth your while.” 

John chuckled quietly, “Tempting, but I don’t want Freddie to wake up alone.”

“Such a gracious host,” Roger kissed his forehead before climbing over John to get out of bed. 

When he disappeared down the hall, John settled with his head in his hand as he gazed at Freddie. Just looking at him made the butterflies in John’s stomach start to flutter. Freddie’s eyes cracked open and he smiled softly when his focus settled on John. 

“Good morning,” He said while he stretched and glanced around. “I didn’t dream up Brian and Roger, did I?” 

John laughed, “You didn’t. Brian’s making breakfast, Roger’s showering.”

“And you?”

“I’m being a gracious host by not letting you wake up alone.” 

Freddie smiled and they each gravitated towards the middle of the bed, until their faces were just inches apart,

“I never did get that kiss last night,” Freddie murmured. 

John grinned, happy that Freddie hadn’t changed his mind in the sobering light of day. Their noses brushed together as they each leaned in and it was John who closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together. Freddie’s lips were warm and tender and as John closed his eyes he had a feeling that his head was spinning. And that was all he could remember. 

John blinked as the room slowly came into focus again. He was still in his bed, on his back, as three pairs of concerned eyes looked down at him. Freddie looked the most worried as he gnawed on his bottom lip. Roger was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, wet hair dripping on his shoulders, his bright blue eyes clouded with concern. It was Brian who broke the silence,

“Are you okay, love?”

John mentally took stock, his body wasn’t in any pain though his head still felt a little cloudy. He nodded as he asked,

“What happened?”

“You fainted, darling,” Freddie explained, “Right after we kissed,” 

“Oh, Freddie, I’m sorry. Must’ve scared the shit out of you,” 

Freddie’s warm eyes found his and John immediately felt reassured that he hadn’t scared Freddie away.

“You’ve nothing to apologize for, it’s not like you did it on purpose. Right?” 

John grinned, “Right,” 

“How are you feeling?” Roger asked. 

John leaned back on his elbows, “Good, fine. I’m not sure why it happened though,” 

“Really?” Brian quirked an eyebrow, “You can’t think of any reason at all?” 

“Oh,” Was all John could say as the realization dawned on him. 

Roger also seemed to catch on at the same time, “You really think that’s what it was, Bri?” 

Suddenly the blond was practically vibrating with excitement. Brian put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down a bit,

“If I had to hazard a guess, that’s what I’d say. We’ll have to test it though,” 

John’s heart was beating so hard in his chest he was sure everyone in the room could hear it. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, afraid that Brian’s conclusion was too good to be true, but of course, there was a part of him that was beyond excited. Maybe after all this time, he was finally free. 

“What’s going on?” Freddie asked. 

The other three boys turned to him, John could admit that he had forgotten that Freddie didn’t know. His brain scrambled to come up with a decent explanation, but before he could Roger was sitting Freddie down on the bed. 

“So John’s got this curse,” He started plainly before launching into the whole story. 

Brian and John interjected as needed but otherwise let Roger go over everything with Freddie, who nodded as he listened intently. 

“We think you’re the last piece of the puzzle,” Brian said at the end. 

“If Brian’s diamond theory is correct,” Roger said, half teasing. 

“Really? You think it’s me?” Freddie sounded amazed. 

John moved to sit beside him, resting his chin on Freddie’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around his waist,

“Of course we think it’s you, you fit right in with us. And even if it’s not, I don’t care and I don’t think Bri and Rog do either,” The other two shook their heads to confirm John’s words. “We still want you to join us. If only so Rog can get that bigger bed he keeps moaning about,” John teased, looking over at Roger still sitting on Freddie’s other side.

“Hey! I want Freddie to stay for lots of other reasons too.” Roger stuck his tongue out a John. 

Brian got them back on track,

“What do you say, John? Do we try it and see what happens?” 

“Yeah,” John breathed, “Let’s try.” 

Brian nodded, “I’m just going to tell you to come over to me. Alright?” 

“Okay,” John held his breath waiting for Brian’s command as the entire room fell silent, all eyes on John. 

“John, come here,” Brian’s voice was gentle as ever. 

John mentally prepared himself for his body’s betrayal - expecting his legs to make him get up on their own, waiting for the panic to rise in his chest the way it always did when he was faced with a command. 

But nothing happened. John stayed seated next to Freddie, exactly where he wanted to be. He looked up at Brian with a bright smile, 

“No,” 

There was a flurry of excitement as Roger cheered and jumped up, getting to John at the same time as Brian. The force of both of them diving in for a hug knocked John back onto the bed, taking Freddie with him. Roger and Brian landed on top of them, smothering John with kisses on any part they could reach. Even Freddie managed to somehow wrap his arms around him and kissed his cheek,

“Congratulations, darling,” 

John turned his head to capture his lips properly this time, savouring the kiss. 

“You’re free!” Brian said, rolling off to the side. 

The relief washed over John, it was as though as the weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, as though he was seeing the world for the first time in a new light. 

“Hey, John,” Roger said, still laying on top of both John and Freddie. There was a sparkle of mischief in his eyes, “Can you go make me a cup of tea?”

John was tempted to push him off as he laughed, “No, go make your own, you brat.” 

“So, John, whatever are you going to do with your newfound freedom?” Freddie asked, settling Roger between the two of them and pulling him close. 

“Let’s start with breakfast and see how the day goes,” John replied with a smile. 

He had a feeling the rest of his days were going to go pretty well. 


End file.
